I used to think I could get everything I wanted without having to pay the price for it. You can’t. Life is a trade-off. This relationship taught me that the devil doesn’t come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you’ve ever wished for, which is exactly what this girl held herself out to be; everything I could ever want in a girl…but with a hidden cost.
Once we actually started dating-only three weeks or so after we met-with each passing day it became a little more obvious what that cost was: delusion. I had not found the perfect girl for me. What I had found was an LA girl who quickly figured out what I wanted her to be, then masterfully changed her external self into that. I was dating an actress, except this wasn’t a movie, it was real life, and she wasn’t playing a role, she was playing me.
-Tucker Max, Assholes Finish First
If most of my friends saw my tumblr, they just wouldn’t get it.
a man walks into a zoo. the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. it’s a shitzu
this is literally my favourite joke ever